He forgot to pay child support for this week.
He hasn't payed any fucking bills.
He's gone MIA since it's memorial day weekend.
I'm sure his family is celebrating, and they had his girlfriend come down to be with him.
So Juliet and I are not important, at all.
He doesn't care if he promised to give me child support every wednesday.
Or that he promised to pay the bills as the agreement to our separation/divorce.
I bet he won't call Juliet this weekend, which is fine by me, because I don't plan on answering the phone.

So fucking frustrated.
His phone is off.
I never disrespect him like that. I always answer his texts, and god forbid I don't hurry up and answer his call because he'll start cussing me out.
Fucking Hobbit.

Am I doing this to myself? I thought we had decided. Heart... I'm disappointed in you.

I started out slow, due to minimal sleep, because my BFF had been sick all night... but after having a Rockstar on my first break, things looked up :) Did pretty well in sales. Went over my sales goal, whoo! And then I had to credits fall in to my lap! I'm so grateful for that, I was over due for those. lol My feet did end up hurting towards the end, but they usually do, especially when I wear those particular flat shoes.

After work, I hit up Albertsons to get some milk, coffeemate, and food/drinks for work. I'm so thankful for that EBT card. Hopefully Sir Hobbit hurries up and sends me Juliet's shot records so I finish the Calworks/Medical/Foodstamps process.

Got home, and I had to text *him* to see if he was going to call her, like he promised. He did, and the only reason he did, is because I mentioned it. Loser. Juliet definitely told him though. Asking why he hurt me, and scratched me. And that he's not supposed to do that. If he was still a soldier, etc. etc. She's so smart. She brought that up all on her own. Serves him right. I caught something about how he's staying with his Mom (grandma liz) and that he'll be starting school soon, and that he's helping mommy, so Juliet should be able to go to daycare at some point.

We'll see. Actions speak louder than words, and so far... his words have meant NOTHING. The bills are still all over due, I won't be surprised if my Mom's phone and mine (we're on his plan) are turned off at some point. Whatever. I guess he's "trying" but I'm sure he's spending his money on other things instead of emergency priority ones..

I'm going to put on some Supernatural to get my Dean Winchester fix, and then hit the hay. Need some much needed sleep, and tomorrow, work! :)

Juliet has been puking for most of the night, along with some gnarly diarrhea. So I literally did not get any sleep. Whoo, full shift here I come! Every time I felt myself falling asleep... I'd be woken up by her trying to puke into the bucket I had put next to her bed. Or running to the bathroom to sit on it. So effin' tired.

I do remember a little part of my non-existent dreams.. The Hobbit came into the room with a baby, and took it to the bathroom, I went in there to tell him how Juliet was sick, and he was bathing this baby. Juliet comes in, and I say, "Aw, look Juliet, say hi to your little sister". Then I went to go tell my Mom in the living room about how Juliet was sick, I walk back in to the bedroom, and Juliet's puking, so I grab the bucket. Then I check on the Hobbit and the baby, and he's still giving this baby girl a bath, and everything is okay.

*sigh* Thank you dreams. If I had to dream about something, in the little bit that I was asleep... did it *really* have to be about him, and about that?!

my location has been saying Chula Vista... wtf?!

Woke up, and headed over to Toys R Us in National City to pick up Juliet's baby doll, it came with a doctor's kit for $6.98! It had a 5 star review, and at that price, I was sold. She's been asking for a doctor kit for a very long time now. She always saw one at B&N for 14.99 on sale! So this was a steal. Plus she has this thing about babies right now. So all in all, good deal.

Then headed over to La Bella for pizza... it was really good. I also had yummy jalapeno poppers. Thanks Mom, for an awesome lunch! After that we headed over to see of my Abuelita was home, but no luck :( Hope she's doing okay!

After that we hit up North Gate so I could make use of my Food Stamps. They didn't have a whole lot, so I'll probably have to hit up Food 4 Less. Juliet's been asking for some lunchables, and I'm low on coffee creamer. We did end up getting some yummy pan dulce, donuts, and Juliet sneaked in some cheetos as well as capri suns. lol

Headed over to Brenda's afterwards, so our daughters could play. A playdate that has been long over due. They had a lot of of fun, like they always do, and I'm hoping we can do it more often. Juliet really needs the interaction, with someone close to her age. It's good for her.

Now at home, really tired, knowing I should hit up the grocery store, at least for coffee creamer for work tomorrow... lol But I'm just feeling so lazy. Maybe coffee, a pan dulce and The Sims Medieval :)

The only part I remember is I was talking to -him- again, about reconciling, and trying yet -again- to get this to work. A part of me was doing it just so he couldn't be with her, and she couldn't have him.

Damn you dreams, why must you mess with my head?
I'm hoping to keep myself from thinking about today.
I must stay as productive as ever.

I want no communication with him, but it sucks, because I still -need- him for certain things... like getting Juliet's shot records to me, or helping me pay something. He's just so _crazy_.. like literally.

Telling me he'll help me pay the car this month, if I get my boyfriend to wire him money. What effin' boyfriend?! He says I dunno.. Kyle, Kevin, Richard, dickless, fuckface... one of them.

Just because *you've* had someone this entire time, doesn't means I'm LIKE YOU. You're the cheater, and I'm the faithful one... keep trying to make yourself feel better, just because you're the selfish, heartless, cheating twat. You verbally insult me all the time, and you just can't control your anger issues and crazyness. Thank you Charlie Sheen... yeah, keep thinking you're WINNING. Tiger's Blood is not going to make you happy in life, and when you find/figure that out (if ever) I'll be happy that I won't care about you >:)

It's friday.
I bet he drove up there to see *her*.
Or she was invited over to his parent's house where he's at, by them... to spend the weekend.
We're not divorced yet.
Just separated.
Keep your damn cock in your pants, asswipe.

And you?
You're getting what's coming to you.
Karma is a bitch, and she's coming for you.
You think you got what you wanted?
He's a liar, and a psychopath, so good luck with that, babe ;)
Look at his wife of almost 6 years, partner for almost 7 and his 4 year old daughter he supposedly *loves and adores*.

*sigh*
I've become a bitter person.
Thank you for that, loser.

So I've been trying to limit my communication with him, because no matter what we end up fighting. And I have to be VERY careful with what I say to him, because he will snap with *any* little thing and start threatening to take her away from me.

Today, he did pretty good. He was being *kind* of nice... *somewhat* understanding... and supposedly trying to be helpful. Then I mention that I would prefer just emails. And he pulls out this story out of his ass, on how the reason is because I don't want my boyfriends to see my ex-husband's texts. And that he feels bad for the poor new guy and gives him a month, tops.

First off, there's no guy. Just because he has a girl on the side (and has been having her for the past 6 months) doesn't mean I'm just as shady. He's always been the cheater. I've always been faithful. I just don't want to constantly see his texts. I still have emotions I'm trying to get over, regarding him, and I would prefer just to have email communication, so I can read them when I want to, and not have them constantly in my face every time I go to use my phone.

He gets very mean, and extremely rude when he even *thinks* about me with some guy (which he always makes up in how own head that I have all these guys lined up). But god forbid I say anything about his precious "Jenny Wright" and then he loses it and says it's not about her. I'm so tired of whatever abuse this is. Yeah, I'm sad that my little family didn't work out. That my kid's parents couldn't cut it, as a married couple.

I know it's for the best, because he's insane, depressed, bi-polar, suicidal and has severe anger management issues.. but when does it start getting easy? And why do I have to be so fucking broke?! Juliet and I were use to a life of our own home, never wanting for anything, never living paycheck to paycheck, being able to take her out and to fun places. Now.. .I can barely afford face lotion. Or contact lense solution. I fear I may be late on my car payments, I try to be able to have rent money, and I still have other expenses. Why does he get to live off of unemployment, sitting happily on his ass at his parents house, with his mistress a couple of hours away, while Juliet and I live the way we do, over HIS choices of destroying our family and any chance of fixing it.

Good luck to his new woman. She didn't give a shit before, let's hope she starts giving a shit, when all of this comes back to her 10 fold. And how dare he put me down for having two mediocre jobs?! At least I have a job.. and I have TWO!! Yeah, they pay minimum wage, yeah, they're mediocre... but I have to climb my way back to the top, after you dumped me into what seemed like a bottomless pit of abandonment and hopelessness. He's such a fucking hypocrite, all the time and I'm so sick of it. Just give me the money for your child you say you supposedly love so much, help me get rid of the debt we BOTH ACCRUED WHILE MARRIED and then get the fuck out of my life. Kthnx.

Because it's not worth it, to dwell on anything. Especially when I *want* this to be over. But I can just picture them, being so happy together. I know every part of him, every inch of his body, the way he smells, and the faces he makes when experiencing ecstasy... and now she'll be the one beneath him... seeing that face and being so in love

Makes me sick. And I can't get them/him out of my head, even though I'm *so* ready to move on :/